I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
