There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
