operation harelip BJ is a go
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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