Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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