so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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