I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
