You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think a kid would responsible me up
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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