Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
