Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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