I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
