Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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