I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
