it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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