Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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