addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
