I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
