I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
