I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
