he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
