Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
