best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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