if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
