I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
