A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I cockslap morals
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
