I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
