your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
