Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
