I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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