There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
