you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
