Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
