Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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