he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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