So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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