My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
