don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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