so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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