If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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