The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
