It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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