thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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