dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
