I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
