So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
