Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
