i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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