so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize