my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
