I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
