I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
