smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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