i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
