I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We got so high we made milksteak
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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