based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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