You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
