im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
