All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
