Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
