Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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