tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
