Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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