I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
