Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
