He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
