There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
