What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
