Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
