I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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