I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
