Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
