There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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